Complicated, really?
I saw this photo on Pinterest and just stared at it for the longest time ever. This man is a homeless person. His eyes look like they hold millions of stories, he made my mind wander. I wish I could know these stories. And I wish I could ask him all these big questions I think about all the time. What he thinks about death? What he thinks about money? Why did he give up on himself? What made him feel smaller than life? I wonder what would be his best advice he could give me on life.
Whenever I talk about things like that with old people or kids, they give me most amazing answers. Honest, logical answers. Things I know but seem to ignore. Not on purpose, it's just - we are so obsessed with idea of being loved. We are so obsessed with doing what the crowd wants us to do. So obsessed with playing all of the roles that are liked in community. But just stop for a second. Somewhere, things went terribly wrong.
Ask the oldest man you know what he thinks of your last bad relationship. Ask a little boy that. They will tell you same exact thing. They will give you answers you already know. Old man will probably give you a life advice, too. But a little kid will just be so sad because he won't be able to understand why you would do something like that to yourself.
So I think things are very simple. I will just tell you some examples of how you pretend you don't know your answers and how you screw yourself over day by day, week by week, year by year. All of these stories are real - please, just learn your lesson and don't you ever treat yourself like that.
1. I'm seeing a married guy and I'm so sad, he said he will leave his family last year. He still sleeps with his wife and he can't tell anyone about me because he works in a law firm. But I know he loves me, I know he truly loves me more than anything. It's complicated.
You are right, it's very complicated. Not your situation but how your brain works. How you were able to create a fake reality in your head just so you can make it possible for him to have his cake and eat it, too. There are many reasons why this will never work and they are all good, if you just think about it for a little.
You are giving your happiness in hands of someone who has kids and lies to their faces. You are planning your future with someone who tells you he loves you and then goes home to have sex with his wife. While he lies to her face, too. You are giving your heart to someone who has no idea what love is, what honesty is, what family is. To someone who feels no need to tell mother of his children he doesn't want to be with her anymore. To someone who is basically telling you that lying is his way of avoiding confrontation. And there you are, waiting for him to give you everything you ever dreamt of. Still think it's complicated?
2. I don't know what to do. I'm working all the time and I have no money.
First of all, have a little chat with yourself. You are working all the time, really? I know people that have two jobs and go to school and do sports. If you were working all the time, you would have no time to even spend your money. So if you want to save some money and stop pretending you don't know where it is, here are some simple tips:
- stop buying expensive things you don't need. And no, you don't need a 500 dollar bag. You can decide to buy it, of course. But don't talk about being broke after you do that. It will make you look like you have absolutely no idea what you are doing with your life.
- if you don't have money, stop paying for other people's drinks. And stop going to parties and spending money on alcohol and cigarettes. And if you are out drinking every weekend, here's your answer to a mystery of disappearing money.
- stop eating outside. Buy some pasta and eat that thing for a week. No, it's not as fun as eating in a restaurant. But what do you think I ate when I had no money? Damn pasta, every day. And just think about how much money you spend on that every week.
- start writing down how much money you spend in a day and on what. You will probably be surprised how reckless you are with your earnings. Or not, because you probably already know but it's easier to just ignore responsibilities.
3. "She is my best friend!" Five minutes later. "She irritates me so much, she is so dumb. And she is back with that ugly guy." Five minutes later. "I'm gonna call her if she wants to join for a coffee." Five minutes later. "I'm so sorry I asked her to come, I don't even want her here. I hate that girl. But I'm not saying that because I'm the bad guy. She is, because she does things that make me feel like that and there is always something that makes me change my mind about cutting her out of my life. Actually she should thank me. I'm doing her a big favor for being her friend."
Maybe that is someone who pretends to be your friend. And if that's the case, I'm so sorry and I hope someone loves you enough to tell you that so you can get it over with.
But maybe that is you. You don't have to admit it but if you are that kind of person, you know exactly what I'm talking about. First of all, here are some rules I think the whole planet should stick to. Stop pretending you don't know saying things like that hurts people. Don't give yourself excuses for being a mean human being. Just because you have a bunch of friends that let you be the king of the mountain, that doesn't mean you are the king of all damn mountains. Just because you have a lot of money, you don't get to call other people ugly or dumb. Looking pretty doesn't make you beautiful on the inside. And honey, you too will fade. So, rules:
1. Other people's business is none of your business.
2. People don't live to make you happy. Do you live to make them happy? I thought so.
3. You are worth nothing more than anyone else.
4. To get respect, you must know how to give it.
5. Don't expect honesty if your toungue is full of lies.
6. Things happen to you, not for you. You are not the center of this universe.
7. Take responsibilities for what you are doing and for what is going on in your life. Or do you have that special someone that's gonna keep on saving you?
8. Grow up. Stop feeling sorry for yourself all the time. Handle your feelings when it comes to small things. If you don't know how to, there are many good books and videos. Nobody has time for your drama.
9. What you say about Sally, says a lot more about you than it says about Sally.
10. Want to lose weight? Join the gym. Want to save money? Quit the gym. Want to keep people around you? Stop talking about the gym.
4. I only did that because I didn't want to hurt that person.
That's funny because people say this when it comes to most simple and obvious things. Like staying in a relationship with someone you love no more and so you choose to cheat on them instead of breaking up and never telling them. Really smart. Here are some most common things I heard in my life.
1. I only lied to him because he lied to me first. He deserves to know how that feels.
- Well besides making someone feel bad, you just made yourself a damn liar, too. And you could have just walked away. Oh but I know, you love him. Okay.
2. I totally hate that girl. But I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable, so I guess I'll invite her to my birthday, too. I don't want to make it awkward by ignoring her.
- You don't like her, so you don't want someone like that on your birthday party. Because it will ruin it for you, obviously. And you try avoiding hurting her by hurting her on purpose by lying to her? Wait, what?
3. I don't want my girlfriend to know we're here, having drinks. She gets really jealous and I don't want her to worry over something that is not important.
- Mhm. If it was not important, you would tell her. And she is probably jealous for a reason since you are here with me, telling me I should keep us a secret from your girlfriend. Whoa, who wouldn't want to bet his money on you.
But on the other hand, if she always goes crazy for no reason, you should talk to her about it because it's gonna probably be a big problem later on in your relationship.
Or you can just continue lying to her and to yourself. Good luck with that big love you guys have.
5. I really really really want this. But I dont have enough time. And money. And time. And money. And time. Oh and did I say I don't have anough money?
Okay. If you want money, work. If you want more money, work more or work smarter. If that won't solve your problem, borrow it. If you don't want to work and if you don't want to borrow it, stop talking about wanting something because you are making everybody else who work their asses off, look stupid.
If you want to have this great body, you will have to work for it. Yes, I know. It's hard eating healthy and it's hard working out every day and it's hard saying no the good food. But I guess it's much easier saying "no" to what you want. Or at least think you want. And before I get judged, few years ago I lost 16 kilos in 6 months. I know what it takes.
If you want a perfect relationship, you should be perfect someone who deserves that perfect someone. No, lying and playing games and pretending you are doing all of that because of your bad past won't get you there. And I just have to tell you this - I know a lot of people that had really bad lives. Some of them lie, manipulate and cheat. They use their bad backround as an excuse for doing to other people what someone else did to them. Well, you know what? They should know how being hurt feels. So when they say they love you and then stab you in your back, guess what. They are using you and they are lifting their ego on your shoulders. But sure as hell they don't love you. Because I know a lot of people that have really sad life-stories and they went through different kinds of abuse but they have a heart of gold and their actions are nothing but love.
Ahh so much to say, so little time. It's 3:15 in the morning and I have a king-size jet lag. Basically, what I was trying to say - if it's important to you, you will find a way. If not, you will find excuses.
And you always know when you are lying to yourself. So you should just start loving yourself and stop making decisions that are bad for you just because you're pretending you are making someone else a favor. I know it feels good when you feel liked and I know your ego gets so high on making other people look small. But stop screwing yourself over already, are you still 10? Be objective and look at things the way they are. Choose what's good for you even when you don't like it and make sure you use your brain and really think it through before making that decision.
A lot of bad things you went through could be easily avoided. I'm not saying all of them. And I am really sorry for all the bad that happened in your life and you had no control over it. But you don't live in your past and you are reading this and it means you're alive. So take your chances and stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop looking for excuses. Dear you, stop screwing with yourself. You know what to do, you got this.
Goodnight now and you have a good day. Best one!
Till next time.
Tjaša