No one can and no one may.
That made me think about all the versions of my life that could be going on for me. If I decided to go to England for Christmas, my day would be completely different. I would be with different people, having different conversations, living different life. If I was born in China, there would be no life as I know it. Just so you know - this is my "working place" right now as I write this. Ahh, beautiful life.
I think that in order to find your place under the sun, you must first find it within yourself. Nobody will come and save you. You need to find that peace of mind and hold on to it, whatever it takes. You need a mind that is opened to everything, and attached to nothing. Open-minded people don't force their beliefs on others. They just accept all of life's perspectives and realities, doing their own thing in peace. You must understand your life will be whatever you decide it to be. When you think everything is someone else's fault, you'll suffer. But when you realize everything comes only from yourself, you will find your peace. It's just life, let go. Don't hold on to it. Don't hold on to things. Don't hold on to people. Just let it be as it is. The only thing you can affect and change is your mind. And don't even hold on to yourself as something there just is as it is. If you change who you are, you will change the world as you see it. And that's how your life changes day to day as you change through it.
You always make the decision. Even when you decide not to decide what your life will be, you made the decision to ignore your ability to understand yourself and who you have to be in order to be truly complete. Spend time with yourself, quiet your mind so the soul can speak. Soul, your subconscience, the life force, whatever you want to call your true self. You need to understand that wherever you'll be, your self will stay the same. So don't run around, stop getting lost in order to find yourself. If you're looking for the one person to change your life, just look in the mirror. It's always going to be just you. "No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path."
I think I really know what I want now. I want to want nothing that keeps me away from myself. I understand now that you cannot travel the path until you become the path itself. I hope to keep that mindset of understanding that things always happen to me, not for me. I want more moments that are mine and mine only. I want to keep my peace of mind by expecting nothing from life. It's so funny, how much I have changed. I find it absolutely useless to expect life to be as I want it. Yes, I work hard in order to achieve what I wish for, but to expect anything? No. I don't want to ruin things by defining them through my eyes. You need to take things as they are. Nothing can ever be anything else but what you think of it. And you must understand that's not how it really is, it is real just for you. Do you really think the whole universe exists just to serve you? Don't you think you are so far away from the nature and everything that surrounds you so perfectly? Your mind can't even understand time and you think you understand life itself? Don't flatter yourself. Everything you see and everything that surrounds you, is not yours to define and own. Let go. Try to find happiness inside of yourself, not inside other people. Try to find it where you are, not where you wish you were. Happiness is not just a feeling. It's a way of life. Relax, breathe. Everything will be okay. If you expect nothing, nothing can go wrong.
So as I was thinking of all the versions of my life, I realized again I can be whoever I want to be. And this gives me great comfort. If at some point of my life I just won’t feel okay and I won’t feel like I'm being all I could be, the change is at reach. Life is good.
I have a lot more to say but gotta go watch the ocean now. Why? Because I want to. Real things, beautiful things. I'm so damn happy.
If you are reading this, you are alive. And that is reason enough to smile. Till next time.
Tjaša