You are the problem. But that's okay.
It's very important to work on your ability to step away from your subjective opininon and stick to the fact. So when you are facing a problem, it's most important to know what the problem really is. For example - if someone is drunk and is making a scene and wants to drive home because he got all sad and crazy, the problem is not the fact that he wants to drive home, but the fact he is craving attention so bad, he would even drive home, dead drunk.
If you have a friend that always makes a scene and you always need to be careful with words around, the problem is not really in that person, but in all of you, letting that person be that way. The problem lies in all of you listening to the drama and being a part of it, even when you don't like it. Probably most of the time. You create an environment, where that person can be someone like that. So if you don't like it, stop pushing it by being a part of it. You can't say you hate chocolate while stuffing your mouth with Nutella.
So if you are in a relationship and someone treats you badly, what you expect is not that person's problem. Every single person on this earth has the right to be whoever they want to be. So if you want an honest relationship and your partner is lying to you, that is not your partner's problem. That's YOUR problem, because YOU are not getting what YOU want. And it's YOUR problem because YOU decided to stay in a relationship like that. It's same with everything else. Nobody exists on this planet to serve you. Only to fulfill your wishes and to be who you want them to be. So when people treat you like you want them to, it's always because they decide to, not because they have to. Never forget that. So you should always keep in mind that there is no use in talking people into certain ways of thinking or behaviour. You can train a dog, but it's still a dog. People will always be whoever they want to be. With or without you. So if you have poisonous people in your life, stop creating the problem that is not there. You want to think about it and make their behaviour and way of thinking yours to change. It's not your problem. Be objective. The problem is - you don't like how they treat you. Solution? Move on.
You have to understand that you have no right to put people under the pressure of your expectations. You know they have their own lives to live right? Who cares what you want? You should care and you should take care of it. Stop putting people into positions of masters of your happiness, it's tiring. Can you imagine someone you care about expect you to be something you are not? Can you even imagine how bad that makes you feel? You put someone in charge of you happiness and then you wait for them to do what you expect and pressure them. If you don't like someone, just move on. Just move on. Stop it.
If you are in a relationship and you think about your partner million times a day, and send that person hundreds of messages, what do you expect? You expect them to text you back. And not just that. You expect them to text you first, too. Three times a minute. Because that's your way of showing you care and if they don't do that, you think they don't feel the same. And you create a problem that's not there and you get sad and you become a victim. Newsflash. You are the problem. And if you tell them you love them a lot, what do you expect? You know what. You expect them to tell you they are crazy about you, all the time. You are only capable of knowing your own feelings, and that makes you so selfish in a lot of situations. Not everyone love the way you do. Not everyone show they care the way you do. Not everyone is fixing their problems the way you do. And it doesn't mean it has anything to do with you. Because it doesn't. They are just who they are and how they function, it's you who is making a problem of it. If you don't like it, move on. Let people be.
So another example. You have a friend you love to hang out with, but that friend never calls you. And because you do, you get angry. That friend is not a friend because of that. You are a true friend, you are doing it the right way. Well guess what. Maybe that friend doesn't have that much time and maybe when he or she has it, it's for something else they like more than they like you. So what. So what! They are not here to serve you and make your life full of sunshine. Go find your own meadow of flowers. If they got your back, if they help you when you need them, that's their way of showing they care. Maybe your way of showing it is paying for the coffee. Does it have anything to do with you being a friend? No. You should be able to fill your life with things that make you happy and are only yours. Things that YOU do, not others. Your happiness should not depend on others. It should depend on you. But you need to stop expecting things because you're gonna be so damn disappointed all the time. Do what YOU want and what YOU can do.
When you start to understand how relationships between people work, it gets so much easier. Listen to your own voice and do what feels right. Let other people do the same and respect it. Stop thinking it's always about you, because it's not. They didn't call you because they probably have something to do that's more important to them than you are at that moment. And that has nothing to do with you, it's just what they want. And they have every right to decide for themselves. Don't be needy and possessive. Stop expecting, it's not fair.
But here is one thing people just don't want to understand. Maybe someone wants nothing from you and has no feelings for you, but he or she just enjoys your company. They won't call you to hang out, they won't talk to you about their personal stuff, they won't care. But they like your company sometimes. And they can talk to you for hours and hours. But just that. And most of people can't have a relationship with someone like that, because they don't feel appreciated. Why? Because it's not how they think it should be. "I am only loved when I am loved the way I want to be loved. I only know how to be appreciated when I feel wanted. I only can give when I get first. I can only be honest when I'm sure." This will eat you inside out.
So you should always think about the problem you are working on. Is it really a problem? What exactly is the problem? Is it me? Can I fix it? Is it in my head, can I work my way around it? Because in almost every situation you will realize - the problem is you.
Don't worry. If you were able to create it, you can fix it.
Till tomorrow.
Tjaša